Timestamp- The Point of No Return

With two institutions and four semesters in, there will be no turning back after today. There is no more time find myself or see the world. Of course, I never needed to do either. I have seen enough of the world to know where to be, and my astounding self-absorption never let me lose myself.

Lately I have been wondering if I even have a self.

That last sentence may sound strange to western ears, but it is a pretty common motif elsewhere. Current research seems to indicate that free-will is just a comforting illusion used to rationalize predetermined choices. If that is the case, perhaps I am just a body. Perhaps the “I” in the last sentence was just a schema fashioned by the world to attribute consciousness in a useful organism. Notable humans who have expressed non-self tend to exhibit the most moral actions. Perhaps the universe would be better off if this self-concept inside my body did not exist. Perhaps…


Six finals in half as many days have left me pretty fried. (There I go with a “me”s and “I”s again.) I’ve gotten eight hours of sleep in the last 72. Last night I awoke at 3AM due to an uncertain cause. Exactly two minutes later, I realized that I had a wet dream. It was not any wet dream through; it was if a bucket of come spilled in my bed. I’m the middle of a dry spell. (Obviously, since I had a bucket’s worth of pent-up sperm.) This body needs more sex.

Outside, it’s raining like a scream. I was walking to a final this morning while the clouds were still holding on to their treasures. The moisture in the air was palpable, tangible, an inevitable sign. The first drop landed on my forehead. It was huge, an obese raindrop. Then the rest came, as the clouds released everything they had worked for, giving rain away like homeless billionaires. A girl shrieked for attention, a few others ran for cover, many continued to walk blindly towards the next thing and the next thing and the next. I stopped, took a break, and embraced the tiny gifts…


So I guess I have reached the point of no return. If I go forward, I have simply put too much effort to change my ways. If I turn back, it has to be today, right now, this instant. I sit on the porch, watching the rain fall.

Out of Context Quote From My Family Dinner Last Monday

"I opened it, Justin. I get to hump it."

Garden of Weeds

Life is like a garden. There are flowers that you really want to grow to be beautiful, so you can look at them and bask in the glory of your accomplishments. But grass keeps popping up to kill your flowers.


So you weed the grass, which just facilitates the growth of even more grass. The grass keeps growing and growing and your flowers keep dying and dying until the grass has completely overrun your garden. Eventually you give in and try to tell yourself that your garden isn’t that bad. But not so deep down you know the undeniable truth and accept it. The grass is ugly. Your garden is ugly.


You are ugly.


And your neighbors stare at the scene that has become of your garden. So you stare back, drop your Budweiser, raise your middle finger, and shout, “That’s right! I’m masturbating on my front yard! There’s nothing wrong with it! This is beautiful! Beautiful!” Then you lay back, pull up your pants, and fall gradually into unconsciousness in the middle of your garden of weeds.

Evolution of the Romance/Exploitation Film Genre

The Sheik (1921)
Rudolph Rapistino is an Arab Gang Leader of Arabia, the “land where civilization has so happily passed them by.” Girl Who Is Asking For It pretends to be a hooker, primarily for kicks and giggles. Rudolph Rapistino uses the old “rape a girl so she will fall in love with you” trick. Later, Girl Who Is Asking For It inadvertently reveals her love for Rudolph Rapistino in the most melodramatic-silent-era way before she is captured by rapists who she can not love because they are Arabic. Rudolph Rapistino saves the day. Rapistino and Asking For It live happily ever after, because Rapistino was in fact obviously white and was just raised by the Arabs, in the vein of Mowgli being raised by Bagheera and Baloo in Rudyard Kipling’s The Jungle Book.


The Wild One (1954)
Motorcycling Douchebags trash a small town. Marlon Douchebag wants to sleep with Girl Whose Only Crime Is Her Aversion Of Being Raped. As the night progresses, the Motorcycling Douchebags act more and more like aging gays in a leather bar. Marlon Douchebag cannot sleep with Girl Whose Only Crime Is Her Aversion Of Being Raped, because she speaks English instead of Jive and treats the elderly with respect instead of killing them. An Old Man dies. The Douchebags leave, but not before Marlon Douchebag leaves behind a stolen trinket in order for Girl Whose Only Crime Is Her Aversion Of Being Raped can be reassured that she made the right choice in not being raped.


Knocked Up (2007)
Apotow’s Pothead Friends go to the amusement park, despite the fact that they have no income and that shit don’t come cheap. Katherine Bad Luck gets promoted, and unfortunately this leads to a confluence of events which ruins her life. 1) Katherine Bad Luck is happy. 2) Katherine Bad Luck gets drunk. 3) Katherine Bad Luck ends up sleeping with Seth Pothead. 4) Katherine Bad Luck gets Knocked Up. Seth Pothead makes Jew jokes. The audience feels sorry for Katherine, and really wants her to abort it. Plot demands prevent her from doing so. Women have boobies. Potheads have pot. Apotow’s wife has constipation. Katherine Bad Luck has the baby, and sorta kinda tries to raise the baby with Seth Pothead. Much like statistically similar couples from all regions of the United States, they inevitably divorce two to three years later when the novelty of producing a financial parasite loses its luster. The audience learns that they really liked Juno.

Photo Display of the Evolution of the Romance/Exploitation Film Genre

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Out of Context Quote of Myself During Philosophy Class Last Thursday

"It's not like when little Billy asks how babies are born that you pop in porno and say, 'This is where you put the PENIS in and you KEEP ON A ROCKIN' ' "

Emphasis added by me while I said it.
And yes, I am that kid. Shame does not exist in me.

You know

You know when you life is so scheduled and you have so much to do that you lose your sense of self? That you are no longer a person but a brainless, soul-less robot who only exists through tests, papers, distressing social engangments, and fufilling indeterminate societal expectations?

Oh.

Really?

Yeah, me neither. Just fucking with you.

I'm going to go take a nap,

and some pills,

during my next class.

Saying this word makes my day!

Fuckle- v. 1.to inadvertently cause an unpleasant situation.

Usage- “Sorry guys, my bad. I totally fuckled that one.”

I am DEEP and POETIC

We repeat the aphorism

Over and over and again and again, but

That doesn’t change that

What happened in Vegas stayed in your pants

Notes From My 8AM Chem Class!

Pure substance - matter that cannot be separated into other kinds if matter by any physical process. Element – substance that cannot be broken down by any chemical reaction into simpler substances. Atom – every five minutes of my class, a part of my soul dies. Why am I punishing myself? Please someone, anyone, just kill me now. Just kill me now. No one’s killed me yet. Damn it.

…

Significant figures 1. All non-zero digits 2. all zeros between non- zero digits 3. ending zeros to right of decimal and non-zero digits 4. zeros at the beginning are NOT significant 5. ending zeros in number without decimal may or may not be significant 6. Oh my god, this never ends. Is it time to leave yet? Oh, it is still the first ten minutes of class. Damn it. That girl just left. Is it time to leave yet? Oh, she is just taking a call. That’s pretty rude. I should pretend to take a call and just leave. Oh, I’ve got an emergency call, I must take my backpack to answer it, I’ll say. This is very important, my mother’s dieing, I’ll say. She needs my backpack, I’ll say. Yes my mother was dieing last time, I do have more than one mother and they are all dieing, I’ll say. That’s right, and my last mother died while I was tying to leave Chem class thanks for fucking bringing it up, I’ll say. You should be sorry, I’ll say.

No, wait, better idea: I’ll have someone call me so I don’t have to make a beeping noise of pretend I’m being vibrated. Pretending to being vibrated is pretty funny, lol.

Wait, did I just laugh out loud?

Did anyone notice me? I should try to inconspicuously look around.

Okay, here I go.

…

I am positive that there is no way to inconspicuously look around a blank lecture hall. I guess I can pretend that I am really, really interested in the bland walls. It is statistically more probable to be interested in bland walls than to be interested in chemistry. Okay, here I go.

…

Oh my god, It looks like they are watching home videos from Auschwitz. I couldn’t have laughed, because all positive emotions are nullified be the abyss that is 8:00 AM Chem 101 in Forum Hall 103. I think looking at their faces made my day worse. Seriously, I feel awful. Like I’m vomiting poop. Like someone kicked my puppy, and by kicked I mean skewered and by puppy I mean my penis. I probably should be taking actual notes.

…

1in = 2.54 cm. 1 lb = 453.6 g. 1 cm3 = Why am I punishing myself? Please someone, anyone, just kill me now. Just kill me now. No one’s killed me yet. Damn it.

I'm back sorta

Sorry about the whole not posting thing, lurker. I have this life things that gets in the way of stuff. Don't judge me.

My Spring Break Starts Today

In which the term "Spring" means "the time of year when mountains of snow plummet down in order to shatter my dream of napping in my yard."

School Update: I just took two general ed tests and finished a project in my Learning Theory (Read: How to Manipulate Others) course in which I classically conditioned a simulated rat in various ways. Looking at those words makes it seem like such a non-accomplishment, but it was time-consuming and challenging. So stop looking at me that way.

Also, I have three midterms right after I return from break, which means that my break will be spent studying, writing papers, and sending resumes for summer jobs. So I won't be posting next week. I am sorry, commited lurker.

Notice the men's expressions: "Oh, She's at it again. (Shrugs)"

Pandora and THE FLYING DUTCHMAN

Featured to the left is the title screen for one of the worst films ever. It is also a personal favorite of mine.

It is one of those 1950s melodramas where the general incoherance hasn't aged well. I'll be posting stills from my favorite moments. Enjoy.

The most colorful corpses in southern indiana

During the winter months, my house is where ladybugs go to die. You know how elephants, at the end of their lives, have the instinctual knowledge to migrate to the elephant graveyard? Well my house is the ladybug graveyard. We decided not to paint the walls, since three months out of the year they appear pokadotted. The ladybugs need to go somewhere warm away from the snow and ice, but since my house is not filled with the natural food of ladybugs, they all starve to death. Frequently as I walk up the stairs a ladybug falls on top of me, emaciated and deprived. And they look so pretty when they repeatedly try to walk through the windows. Oh, how they fail.


Okay, was that quirky or just creepy?

friends don't let friends drink and handstand

Introductory Paragraphs of Papers Juxtaposed With What I Was Really Thinking

The worldviews of ancient peoples survive today through the texts Epic of Gilgamesh and Genesis (What the hell do I know about Genesis and Gilgamesh? Time to bullshit!). The texts share similar themes; however, their perspectives on life differ drastically, and in many points oppose each other (Crap, all I wrote down in my notes Genesis=Happy, Gilgamesh=Sad). Because of certain differences, the worldview portrayed in The Epic of Gilgamesh is more appropriate in the modern age (If my response is different from the rest of the class, maybe he won’t know that I am bullshitting. Go team me!).


Modern students are able to learn the philosophy of Socrates through the works of his student Plato (But I don’t care). One such work is Plato’s The Apology, which describes Socrates’ courtroom defense against the accusations that Socrates corrupted the youth of Athens and committed blasphemy (I still don’t care). In The Apology, Socrates was found guilty of the accusations and sentenced to death (Sucks to be him). Despite the fact that Socrates did not fully prove his innocence, his philosophy is still useful and appropriate for modern students (I’m so stealing this one from Wikipedia).


The Satyricon was written by Petronius in the mid first century (What? There was a paper due last week? What the hell? Why didn’t anyone remind me?). A passage within The Satyricon, “The Banquet of Trimalchio,” features a fictional formal dinner during that time period (Oh right, I didn’t go to class). Moreover, the story describes the effects of freeing slaves in Roman society, which was at that point a recent social change (Believe me, I was doing something of the utmost important. I was fighting my addiction. That’s right I’m addicted. To laziness). By evaluating “The Banquet of Trimalchio,” one can easily perceive the negative attitude Petronius had towards the freed slaves (Hey, could I borrow your notes?).


In the early 14th century, Dante Alighieri wrote The Inferno, which details a journey through Hell by a fictionalized version of the author (So what’s this prompt about?). In the late 20th and early 21st century, Joss Whedon produced the television show Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which followed the adventures of the fictional character Buffy Summers (I can compare this poem to any post-modern depiction of hell that I choose? Really?). In the series finale “Chosen,” Buffy Summers enters Hell with other women in order to fight the forces of evil (It’s really that open-ended?). Due to the corresponding settings, one is able to easily recognize the many thematic differences of the two works (Awesome). By examining the thematic differences between The Inferno and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, one can evaluate the many differences between 14th century Florentine culture and 21st century American culture; such as the different perceived natures of Hell, the different roles of women in society, the different views on sexual ethics, the different mediums of storytelling, as well as the different moral approaches (I’m going to milk this one for seven pages. Then I’m going to put it on my blog. Twice.)

Scenic Nature Photo or Sexual Imagery? YOU DECIDE!

I'm Shameful

What up, bitches. Since I want to save what I’ve written for rainier days, but still want to contribute to my Shameful Thing, I’m posting an old paper of mine. It’s a research paper, which means it gets pretty dry at points. But if you stick with me I start talking about sex. And then I have an interlude of hot, sweaty, dirty sex. At one point there’s even some S&M. So read.


Buffy Vs. The Inferno

In the early 14th century, Dante Alighieri wrote The Inferno, which details a journey through Hell by a fictionalized version of the author (Matthews and Platt, 2008). In the late 20th and early 21st century, Joss Whedon produced the television show Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which followed the adventures of the fictional character Buffy Summers. In the series finale “Chosen,” Buffy Summers enters Hell with other women in order to fight the forces of evil (Whedon, 2003). Due to the corresponding settings, one is able to easily recognize the many thematic differences of the two works. By examining the thematic differences between The Inferno and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, one can evaluate the many differences between 14th century Florentine culture and 21st century American culture; such as the different perceived natures of Hell, the different roles of women in society, the different views on sexual ethics, the different mediums of storytelling, as well as the different moral approaches.

In The Inferno, the character Dante is given a tour of Hell by his idol, the Roman poet Virgil. They pass through nine circles of Hell. Each circle houses a different group of sinners who are being punished for their crimes. Each type of punishment corresponds with the particular sin. For example, gluttons, those who had constantly overeaten and were continually lazy during their lives, spend the afterlife wallowing in garbage in the third circle of Hell as punishment for their sin. In life, they did nothing but lie around and create waste. So in death, they do nothing but lie in waste. After touring through hell, Dante travels through Purgatory and Heaven in the aptly named poems Purgatorio and Paradiso. However in order to travel through Heaven, Dante must leave Virgil behind and follow his childhood love Beatrice instead. Through this exchange, the allegorical nature of the poem becomes apparent. Dante Alighieri wrote The Inferno as an allegory for how one becomes a moral person and enters heaven. According to Alighieri, one must first follow human reason, which is represented by the Roman poet Virgil. Afterwards one must then accept divine love, which is represented by Beatrice (Alighieri, 1982).

Similarly to The Inferno, Buffy the Vampire Slayer functions as an allegory. However unlike the allegory of morality in The Inferno, Buffy is an allegory for the feminist movement. In the television series, Buffy Summers is teenager chosen to be the slayer, the one girl who defends humanity by fighting demons on a regular basis. Using her supernatural strength and the magical abilities of her friends, she stops demons and other forces of evil that have traveled into the mortal world. In the series finale “Chosen” Buffy and her allies, tired of repeatedly being attacked by their enemies, descend into hell in order the rid the world of evil. In Buffy, Hell is the home of a multitude of vampires and demons. Once Buffy is in Hell, the supporting character Willow performs a spell which makes women throughout the world gain the supernatural strength of the slayer. This is where the allegorical nature of the series presents itself. Buffy and her compatriots Willow and Faith represent the leaders of the women’s civil rights movement, who used their strength of character to fight for the rights of women (Whedon, 2003).

The dissimilar nature of the two works creates a large amount of different material to compare. First to be considered is the different natures of Hell within the two works. In The Inferno, Hell is the place of punishment for sinners. Each sin has an elaborate punishment designed specifically for the sinners (Alighieri, 1982). In Buffy, though, Hell is simply a concentration of evil forces. This shows a clear divide between the two cultures that the works originated from. In the early 21st century American culture, Hell is no longer thought of as where people go to be penalized. Instead, it is thought of as a source of malevolence. Also, in Buffy evil forces are also portrayed as sexist ones. One of the final villains of the series is Caleb, a superhuman misogynist who wears the outfits of a priest simply because he enjoys their style (Whedon, 2003). This also touches upon the main difference between the cultures and the two works: the role of women in society.

In The Inferno, women are portrayed as a weaker sex, when they are portrayed. With one exception, women are excluded from the lower and more extreme regions of Hell. This is due to the cultural context of the work. In 14th century Florence, women were incapable of committing severe crimes due to their secondary status within society. Since they were not permitted to hold office, they could not commit the crime of graft; because they were not permitted to become high-level clergy, they could not commit the crime of hypocrisy; and so forth. The Inferno reflects this. The only sins women commit are sins of sexual passion.

Women in The Inferno are housed in the second circle of Hell, the carnal, where they are eternally swept by a whirlwind just like they were swept by their passions during life. The historical and mythological figures Semiramis, Dido, Cleopatra, Helen, and Francesca all reside in the second circle. The only exception to this rule is Potiphar’s wife, who resides in the eighth circle, where she burns with a fever eternally. But like the other women, her crime is a sexual one. Her sin was the desire for an illicit relationship with Joseph (Alighieri, 1982). This shows that women’s main role in 14th century Florentine society was to love men.

Conversely, in the 21st century American society, women are equals to men. Particularly in Buffy, women are the warriors. Buffy Summers, her fellow slayer Faith, and her friend Willow all possess superhuman abilities which they use to fight evil. It should also be noted that in the fictional universe of Buffy there are superhumanly strong men as well, such as the characters Angel, Riley, and Spike. However, the three women are frequently shown to be as strong as or stronger than the men. Additionally, there are many characters within the series who are normal humans (Whedon, 2003).

Despite the superhuman or human nature of the characters, all are equals. All make their own choices free from societal restrictions. Also in Buffy, the female characters take on roles that only men could in 14th century Florentine society. Buffy works, Willow and Dawn go to school, and Anya owns a business (Whedon, 2003). These were unreachable positions for the women depicted in The Inferno.

The purposes of each work may also explain many of the differences. The Inferno is an allegory of how one enters heaven and becomes a moral person by using reason and accepting God’s love (Alighieri, 1982). In contrast, Buffy explicitly rejects the morality and sexual ethics found in The Inferno. All major characters in Buffy, except for Dawn due to her young age, have extra-marital sexual relationships. In The Inferno, such relationships were condemned. Extra-marital sex was the reason why characters were punished in the second circle of hell. In Buffy and in 21st century America, though, sex is a healthy part of any long-term romantic relationship.

In addition, long-term gay relationships are depicted positively in Buffy, while in the Inferno such relationships are condemned. In The Inferno, the seventh circle of hell housed gays, classified as violent against nature. There, Dante meets Ser Brunetto Latino, an idol of his. For his crime of gay sex, he roams the circle of burning sand with others as flames rained down upon them (Alighieri, 1982).

Buffy, on the other hand, had a relatively upbeat depiction of gay relationships. In the fourth season, the supporting character Willow, a woman, met and fell in love with the character Tara, another woman. They continued to have a long-term romantic relationship with each other until Tara’s death. Nine months later, Willow became involved with Kennedy, another reoccurring female character. Also there were multiple reoccurring male characters that were depicted as gay (Whedon, 2003).

Beyond the differences of the role of women in society and sexual ethics, The Inferno and Buffy demonstrate another key difference between their cultures of origin. The Inferno is part of an epic poem while Buffy is a long running television series. This showcases the different storytelling mediums used in the two cultures. In Western culture, the chief avenue for storytelling has changed from poems and literature to television and film.

Even with all their differences, The Inferno unmistakably influenced Buffy. The television show used the superficial elements of the poem such as demons and prophecy to highlight the different moral approaches. In the poem, demons punished sinners, while prophecies which predicted events tied the poem to the real world (Alighieri, 1982). In the show, demons hunt victims who live in the real world, while prophecy is used mostly to foreshadow story points (Whedon, 2003).

By connecting Buffy the Vampire Slayer with The Inferno, producer Joss Whedon highlighted the different moral approaches. In The Inferno, one goes to heaven by using reason and accepting divine grace (Alighieri, 1982). In Buffy, one goes to heaven by simply being a good person. After dying at the end of season five, and coming back to life at the beginning of season six, Buffy Summers believed that she was in Heaven. Yet, when asked by a vampire whether or not God exists in the season seven episode “Conversations with Dead People,” she states that no one really knows (Whedon, 2003). In Buffy the Vampire Slayer, when a person enters Heaven, God is not involved. This is a direct rejection of the moral theory found in The Inferno.

The different themes of The Inferno and Buffy the Vampire Slayer reveal key differences between the Western culture 14th century Florence and the Western culture of 21st century America. Hell is no longer perceived as a place for punishment for sinners, it is now considered to be a place of general evil. Women no longer function in relation to men, now they are equal to men. Sexual ethics has changed drastically. Formerly only married sexual relationships were praised, now all long-term romantic relationships are sexual ones. Also, the main medium of storytelling has changed from epic poems to long running television series. All these elements may tie into the different moral approaches illustrated in The Inferno and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. In The Inferno, the means needed for a good life are reason and divine grace. In Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the key to a good life is good works. God is optional.


Notice how I didn’t devolve my paper with a detour of sexual deviation? Yeah, I was just fucking with you in the intro. Kinda makes you pissed, doesn’t it? But you gotta admit that the last line was killer.

Happy Normative Relationships Day!

So this is the only photo I have that is vaguely love-themed. Enjoy it. Also if you are not in a normative relationship, then please use this day to fight the system that defines a loving relationship through societal expectations and outdated gender roles. Translation: I give you permission to fuck random strangers (preferably more than one) and not call them back.

They shoot 'em

Brewery

Returning Customers

I have sinned

I have confession to make. I have a dark, dirty secret that I tell no one in my private life. This habit is so heinous and so disturbing that I have become disgusted with myself for propagating a social plague, I have become overwhelmed with guilt due to my support of the writer’s union (tentative deal, yay!), and most importantly it has caused me to doubt my taste in popular culture.

I watch American Gladiators.

At 7PM on Mondays, I have finally came back from campus and have finished all my errands. So I relax in front of my television. And there on NBC (the media company that brought Battlestar Galactica, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Medium, 30 Rock, Conan O’Brian, and the first four seasons of Friends into my life) I find people volunteering to be publicly beaten unconscious.

I typically am appalled at “reality” programming, especially since the studio decided to not pay their writers for one of the main mediums (and soon to be the medium) of distributing their product. I don’t idolize American Idol. MTV makes me want to vomit. And Bruno vs. Mary Anne: Dance War sounds like a horseman of the apocalypse. But broadcasted violence is compelling television to me, for some reason. For example:

In the first challenge, contestants sprint through a narrow pathway while four bodybuilders repeatedly punch them in the face. After this the contestants endure many other challenges, such as the pyramid. In the pyramid, the contestants try to climb a forty-foot pyramid made of exercise mats as fast as possible. This in itself wouldn’t be entertaining. But when you factor in the Gladiators throwing the contestants down forty feet, having the contestants recover and climb the pyramid for the second time only to have the Gladiators throw them down again and again; it becomes interesting.

Why do the contestants push themselves farther and farther into the Gladiators’ fists? So that they may have a head start against the other contestant in the eliminator. In the eliminator, the contestants climb a ten foot wall, swim under several concussing bars of face-scaring OPEN FLAMES, climb a thirty foot wall, disorient themselves by rolling down a human-sized sewing spool, exhaust every muscle in their arms by propelling themselves with bicycle pedals, climb the forty foot pyramid again, zip line into the ground next to the finishing point, and then WHEN NO MUSCLE SYSTEM IN THEIR BODY WILL FUCKING WORK FOR A MONTH they have to climb an elevated treadmill that is going the wrong way.

I admit the main draw for me is the violence. But the show is much more than that. Half of the contestants say that their motivation for going on to international television (consequently everyone they will ever meet will remember them as the guy who was thrown into a wall thirty times) is to make money for their family. The go on this show for their kids and for their moms. I love that they don’t consider engaging in a career path that would earn them more money than an exploitive television show ever would. Instead, they planned to be pummeled for money.

(Note: the average life-time earnings for those with a High School diploma is $1.2 million, a Bachelor’s Degree gives an average $2.1 million, Master’s typically gives $2.5 million, Doctorate’s give an average of $3.4 million, and Professional Degrees give average life-time earnings of $4.4 million. American Gladiators gives an average of $12,500.)

Beyond the contestants’ desperation and lack of logic, the Gladiators have the queerest stage personas I have seen since I watched professional wrestling (I was 8, don’t judge me). At any point the contestants have no idea whether the gladiators intend to kill them or rape them. I also enjoy the contestants that honestly just had a lot of time on their hands and thought the show would be fun. They smile and remain perky when they win while the other contestants go on and on about how they have failed and now can no longer support their addiction to meth.

…

Inevitably, at the 7:15 commercial break I flip through channels while listening to jazz on my MP3 player to remind myself that I am human. And it is then that I notice that I could have been watching How I Met Your Mother. The guilt sets in and I cry a little as the five witty urbanites chastise me for not watching the opening act of their comic plots. I tell them that I’m sorry, but Allison Hannigan and Neil Patrick Harris won’t listen. So I turn to NBC, watch poor people be beaten, concussed, ridiculed, and dismembered for the joy of the masses. I then repress the memories of HIMYM so that I may function for another week.

OMG! Am I looking at genitals?

I love emo blogs

I love how the font is always unreadable. And they always have the same background "art" as every other emo blog. Typical emo blog post:

"I miss you

I love you

I pissed

I define myself through societal expectations

Do you find me attractive

I miss you

I'm going to slit my wrists now"

Another Random Photo!

Googling

So I tried to find my blog by googling "The Shameful Thing" which was pretty stupid because there are a lot of shameful things on the internet.

But if you google "Raquel Peloquin" I'm number one.

That's right.

!

It happened again! Must remember not to mix words with photos!

Me circa 1991

I know. I was such a badass in those pink shorts.

As this shows, I have yet to master the art of smiling sincerely. Must be all the cynicism and spite.

Random Photo of the Day!

Freud = My Grandmother

The relationship between modern psychology professionals and Sigmund Freud is a lot like how I relate to my racist grandmother. Don’t get me wrong, I’m indebted to my Grandmother. If she didn’t do what she did with her life, then I would not exist. There’s no question about that. But I really wish people wouldn’t listen to her when she speaks in public.

She goes on these rants that make no sense. It’s embarrassing and not an accurate reflection of my views at all.Likewise, modern Psychologists are somewhat indebted to Freud. He made a lot of noise and put psychology on the map with the help of other like-minded psychoanalysts (note: they were not psychologists).

However, all of his hypotheses (he never accumulated enough data to actually make theories) were hogwash. Free Association? Sorry, I’d rather talk about what is relevant and not waste decades of both our lives. Penis Envy? Women didn’t envy men’s members; they envied men’s socioeconomic power and protection under the law. Oedipus Complex? We’re not repressing it. We just don’t want to have sex with our mothers.

What makes this worse, though, is the overwhelming amount of attention his ideas receive in other disciplines and in popular culture. From what I can tell, most people are only introduced to psychology through freshman-level courses or through the media. Proper introductions to psychology tend to spend a healthy quantity of time on history, giving Freud an undeserved amount of the public eye’s attention span. But I may be wrong. Freud may have just created easy to remember misconceptions about human behavior.


Psychology is a science. Teams of scientists throughout the world dedicate their lives testing any hypothesis produced about human behavior. Additionally, psychology has a large, public field of practitioners who help people replace self-destructive behavior patterns and cognitive fallacies with constructive behaviors/thought patterns.

Freud’s unethical treatment of patients and his disregard for the scientific method has rooted into the public consciousness. And it annoys me to no end. I am frequently amazed by good friends of mine who, knowing that I am a psychology major and that I plan on dedicating my career to the study of human behavior, still repeat these public misnomers to me.

1. Ever read a book or watched a TV show where a psychologist falls in love with/seduces a client? I have. Any Psychologist who did that in real life would no longer be a Psychologist, they would be a highly educated yet unemployable bum (“Psychologist” is a legally protected term, those who demonstrate unethical conduct lose that status). But it is a common narrative cliché found all throughout popular culture.

I think this cliché is tied indirectly to the unethical behavior Freud had with his patients. Freud (and his peers) made a lot of noise. Unfortunately, that was all it was: useless, meaningless noise. Freud was obsessed with sex and aggression, which skewed any findings he could have had. Just to make it clear, I am not obsessed with sex and aggression. But I probably would be if I smoked as much cocaine as Freud did!

2. How about the idea that a Psychologist is a paid best friend, there for you to listen to you complain? I have met too many with this misconception, and I am sick of it. Psychologists are trained professionals. They are not advocates. There is a difference between a person conducting a therapy session and a person you go to the mall with.

3. Also, one thing I hear often (usually by those who did not put in the time and effort to finish a Bachelor’s) is that if they had continued their education, they would have gone with psychology. What?! What makes you think that you, who did not have enough patience and discipline to finish a Bachelor’s degree, would be in any way qualified to be a Psychologist? It is currently easier to be accepted into medical school than to be accepted by graduate programs in clinical psychology.


I want to repeat that: One is more likely to be accepted into med school than in graduate level clinical psychology programs (which is a prerequisite for any type of practice, or to receive the legally protected status of “Psychologist”). This is not a field for the short-minded or the unfocused. If you could not drag yourself into class, or could not self-regulate your study habits/job performance, then psychology probably is not a good fit.

So if we are hanging out and you mention Free Association, Oedipus Complexes, Freudian Slips, or the idea that a Psychologist is your friend who will sleep with you because she/he did not work that hard to obtain her/his status, please apologize for the insult you just gave my chosen field. Unless these misconceptions are used in the context of a joke that specifically points out that they are erroneous, then their use is unforgivable.


For Your Information: In my introductory Developmental Psychology course last semester, we spent a total of three minutes discussing the ideas put forth by psychoanalysts. For the first minute, my professor pointed out their ideas about puberty/adolescence as a time of “storm and stress.” For the next two minutes we discussed how stupid, wrong, irrelevant, and non-productive those views are. And then we moved on, never to mention the word “Freud” again.

That was weird

Guess I shouldn't mix words with pictures.

LOST

The reason for my existence is back. Lost premiered last thursday after making the fans wait for eight months. Was it worth the wait? Completely.

People ask me why I would like the show, since it primarily exists to turn the audience's expressions into the one Desmond is wearing up there.

This episode focused on Hurley, one of my favorites since his romance with Libby during the second season. Libby was pretty. Libby was into psychology. Libby was into fat men.

To reiterate: Libby was perfect.

But then she was used as a plot device, which makes me scream out loud every time I see the relevant episode. But I digress.

What you need to know: Lost is awesome. You should be watching it. It is allright if you don't get everything, because it is a MYSTERY show. Be mystified and enjoy the experience.

So this thursday night stop everything you are doing to watch the show. It doesn't matter if you are at work, studying, taking care of babies, driving, etc. Stop what you are doing and watch the show.

It's worth it.

"Some Highlighting"

This is what I get for buying textbooks from random strangers on the internet.

THE REAL Snow White

Snow White, a member of the royal family, must flee from her castle home due to a violent regime change. Isolated in the wilderness, she becomes insane and begins to sing to forest creatures. After a month of holding a bluebird hostage whilst shouting, “My precious, the tree will eats us! The tree hates us!” she stumbles upon a cottage inhabited by an inbred family of little people.

The family consists mainly of six lonely men in their sixties, several of which have degenerative, genetic disorders as well as psychological afflictions. One’s immune system never functions, resulting in perpetual sneezing. Another is narcoleptic. One suffers from generalized anxiety disorder in addition to several specific phobias, which prevent him from easily communicating to others. Another is schizophrenic, but the dopamine overactivity and encouraging hallucinations do not impede his ability to function with others; in fact he is in a continuously good mood. One, with a narcissistic personality disorder, forces the others to refer to him as their ringleader “Doc” despite the fact that he has no training in the medical field.

However, the most extreme case of genetic malady is the second generation inbred, “Dopey,” who never possessed the mental capacities to speak. He is also unable to follow even the simplest of instructions. His birth, forty years ago, resulted in the death of the clan female which terminated the family’s ability to procreate. The incident sparked clinical depression in another little man. The others labeled him with a dispiriting nickname which only furthers his depression.

For a few weeks Snow White and the seven little men coexist peacefully. White fulfills the traditional female role that she has been trained to do, such as cleaning and doing the dishes, while the seven little men hunt/gather food and devise stratagems. When White requests to leave, however, the little men inform her of their plan to use White as the clan female. White, realizing that any straightforward attempt to escape would result in her being overpowered, pretends to fall into a persistent vegetative state. The seven little men divide the day into three eight-hour shifts, therefore at least two men are always on guard in case White’s condition changes.

White desperately waits for her old boyfriend to rescue her…

Last night-

I had a dream about my long-dead grandfather. It wasn't sappy or unsettling. We didn't even talk to eachother that much. He kept on trying to take over the world with the help of his half dinosaur/half human hench-men.

FAQ

What’s a FAQ? A F.A.Q. is a series of Frequently Asked Questions. I supply the answers after each question so that this is both informative and accessible. Below I will list the most frequently asked questions that you (the readers) give me and my responses.

Can I ask rhetorical questions? I don’t know, can you?

You just answered a question with another question. Isn’t that a little cheap? Well it worked for Socrates and Jesus.

State-sanctioned execution also worked for Socrates and Jesus. Whoa now, there’s no need to be hostile. Why don’t we put down the knives and sort things out. Moving on…

Umm Justin, where are we? What did we do last night? To your first question, we are at an old friend of mine’s place. Don’t worry; they are at work, so we have a few hours to get composed. To your second question, you obviously ingested large quantities of alcohol and other illicit substances. And then we played Axis & Allies.

That’s all? Yes. And then we screwed.

Oh.

Can I have your baby? I wish you could, but it kept making these really annoying noises and it left messes everywhere. So I returned it for store credit. Sorry.

How did you get so devilishly charming and witty? I get that all the time! I think I get the devilishly charming part from my grand-pappy, Beelzebub. As for my wit, after the major studios ran out of all the money they made by broadcasting every episode of every show online, I bought Tina Fey from NBC. I keep her in my basement. For every joke she makes, I give her five minutes of “outside time.”

Really, Satan’s your grandpa? I was expecting you to go with the usual “son of Satan” routine. I was too, but then Tina Fey stepped in for the save. She used to be really uncooperative, always starting fights and shanking her neighbors. But now she’s gotten into the weight room in a big way. It’s been a total turnaround.

What are the five types of glia cells and their functions? Well, the star-shaped astrocytes help synchronize the activity of the axons and enable them to send messages in waves. The miniscule microglia function as if they were part of the immune system, since they remove waste material, viruses, fungi, and other microorganisms. Both oligodendrocytes of the central nervous system and schwann cells of the peripheral nervous system build the myelin sheaths that insulate axons. And the radial glia, a subgroup of astrocytes, migrate neurons and help grow their axons and dendrites during embryonic development.

THE REAL Scooby-Doo

Upon graduating high school, a group of local burnouts engage in a road trip in one’s hippie van while experimenting with recreational drug use. One’s use of marijuana causes an overabundance of the munchies, but his high metabolism rate plus his increased forgetfulness prevents weight gain. After ingesting several “Scooby-Snacks” the teenagers hallucinate that their dog has the ability to speak.

The teenagers become a disturbance to the peace in Middle America when they have delusions of the local museum’s suit of armor abducting community leaders. The gang, determined to solve the mystery, break into the museum after business hours and terrorize the night staff. During a bad trip, one female appears to have the ability to sprint while carrying three others and the dog.

A member of the night staff calls the police, which exacerbates the situation for a few more hours. The gang only settles down after a local officer praises the teenagers for their bravery and pretends to take a man into custody. The elderly night staff admonishes “those meddling kids” as the gang returns to their vehicle.

The teenagers circle their hometown and the surrounding countryside in the hippie van, repetitively finding “monsters” and “mysteries” every time they take a hit of acid. The cycle continues until the gang hallucinates Don Knotts pathetically performing several roles in order to remain on broadcast television.

Shocked out of their bohemian lifestyle, the foursome settles down. Daphne marries Fred, markets their stories as a children’s television series, and they now live together with their two kids in the country club. Velma teaches gender studies at a regional university. Shaggy continues to tour the countryside with the dog.

Both experience flashbacks of their days as a part of Mystery Inc…

Beginning of the Semester Observations

Ahh, stress, how I have missed thee.

Has it been almost a month since we last were together? I know we briefly got it own while I was visiting relatives. But otherwise I actually rested, read for leisure, and laughed over our break. And we were on a break so don’t look at me that way, I know you moved on to retail business owners, anyway. But now it’s just you and me baby. Say hello again to weekly all-nighters. Not the fun, I’m so drunk I can’t fall asleep and this other drunk keeps smooshing into me , kind of all-nighters but the ones filled with over preparation, anxiety, and thoughts of inadequacies.

I shouldn’t be jumping ahead of myself. It is 1 AM while I write this so I may actually fall asleep tonight. Maybe.

Yesterday was first day of my second semester at my second cheap commuter school. And that is way too many numbers to think about in my current mental state. I have three classes so far Nutrition (ugh), Chemistry (double ugh), and Learning Theory. Let’s take them apart in the order from least to most intimidating:

A) Nutrition is full of Ed majors. And something about their preference to associate with children and their inability to make any decisions without calling their significant, soon to be married to and visibly pregnant by, other (who is always their third fiancé, if you count the ones in high school) makes me want to bludgeon them to death their color-coordinated three-ring binders. But other than that, I should be fine.

B) Then there is Chem. I have one of those professors who, if there were a God, would not be paid. The professor started off the semester trying to make himself relatable by saying “he wasn’t the best student ever”, i.e. he failed every course because he was too busy honing his beer gut. Somehow, he has landed an adjunct position and has chosen to hold his captives to standards that he himself was unable to meet when he was in our position. His idea of homework is for us to do one hundred problems and then he will grade us on the two problems the least amount of people finished.

I tell myself a little mantra to get through the hour, “After this, my only Core Class will be ping pong. After this, my only General Ed will be ping pong.” It makes everything easier.

C) Last, and most worrying is Learning Theory (essentially a course in behaviorism (guys like Pavlov and Piaget)). This sounds fun and interesting and manageable, except that I do not have the three hundred dollars to spend on the textbooks. Oh well, time to start my next crappy job search.

That’s only half of my courses. The other three include Physiological Psych which I took to see if night classes are for me. I like having class when I am actually alert. But I don’t like spending three hours in the same damn room. It makes me want to go insane, which would be good practice for the other psych majors.

Penultimately is Orientation to a Psych Major, which I like because it’s mellow.

Lastly is Sexual Ethics, which I like because we talk about sex.

And that’s the rundown. I wish I could elaborate but I’ve got to study. And get a job. And cure cancer. And prevent the apocalypse. You know, the usual.

Whatever I Want

See!

The Coffee Maker is Mad at me...

Because I used it to make tea. Seriously, it is gurgling sounds that sound exactly like "Fuck you, Justin. You have poor taste in music and are inadequate in the bedroom."



And this all because I choose to make tea instead coffee. But I do feel British. Tea is the reason why Brits have bad teeth. Tea is the reason why I have bad teeth.



I am really dissappointed that Anthony Stewart Head was only in Sweeney Todd for 2.5 seconds. You ask, "WTF? Why are being so random?" Because it dawned on me that no one reads this so I say whatever I want-

Excerpts from the New Hampshire Debates

Gibson: How would you handle nuclear proliferation, in regards to terrorist cells residing within Pakistan?

Obama: I believe that we should blow Pakistanis to hell.

Edwards: I second that, I believe that we should blow Pakistanis to hell.

Richardson: I think that first we should use diplomacy. There is a provision within the Pakistani constitution that would provide safety to everyone in the world. Also, we need to have real, actionable intelligence before starting any military campaign.

Clinton: I believe that we should get actionable intelligence, so we know who we are blowing to hell.



Gibson: Has the current surge in Iraq worked?

Clinton: I hate Bush. Within 60 days we will be out of Iraq.

Richardson: I think before I speak. I hate Bush. Within a year we will be out of Iraq in order to focus on helping Americans.

Obama: I hate Bush. I speak in generalities. We will get out of Iraq sometime.

Edwards: I hate bush. We will gradually get out of Iraq.



Gibson: How do you want the American people to perceive you?

Democrats: We can joke with each other like adorable care bears. Then we attack each other like verbally abusive bears .

All Republicans except Ron Paul: We attack each other.

Ron Paul: Are you as bored as I am with these self-appointed leaders talking over each other without saying anything relevant? I mean, they are not even discussing how economics is intrinsically involved with the issue of immigration. I am going to spin in my chair now. (Spins)

All Republicans except Ron Paul: Oh yeah! Well, we attack each other more!